Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Grief?
Plus, 14-year-old held in shooting, meet Choko, and good soul food in Ybor City.
In today's newsletter, you'll find advice on what to say to someone who's grieving, thanks to Catherine Hodge, a South Tampa licensed mental health counselor who specializes in trauma. Plus, an arrest in the Ybor City shooting, You Need a Pet, and the Bay Area's most comprehensive news round-up.
CURRENTS
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TOP NEWS
Florida bill would require property owners to disclose flood history when selling a home. Creative Loafing
Starboard franchise group shutters Tampa Wendy’s locations, files Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Tampa Bay Business Journal $
Former SEAL accused of war crimes is instructor with company to train Florida’s civilian military force. Tampa Bay Times $
Supreme Court denies request to reinstate Florida drag show law. Politico
Ron DeSantis ready to ‘defund the UN’. Florida Politics
1 dead in Hillsborough shooting, 2 others injured, deputies say. Tampa Bay Times $
Budget vote divides Florida Republicans in U.S. House. Florida Politics
Pendry Residences Tampa celebrates $230 million in sales during groundbreaking. That’s So Tampa
The steaks are high: Florida Republican wants to ban lab-grown meat. Politico
TODAY’S SPONSOR
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BRIEFS
CRIME
Ybor Shooting Arrest: Kadyn Michael Abney, 14, has been arrested by police and charged in connection with the fatal Ybor City shooting that occurred Oct. 29. He faces one felony count of a minor in possession of a firearm while wearing a mask and one felony count of carrying a concealed firearm. At the time of the incident, according to police, two officers were alerted to a disturbance at the intersection of 16th Street and Seventh Avenue where they observed a subject, later identified as Abney, displaying a firearm before fleeing the scene. After determining Abney's location, detectives worked with the Palm Beach Fugitive Apprehension Unit to make the arrest. Abney was held by the Palm Beach Sheriff's Office until transported back to Tampa. Detectives continue to seek help identify the remaining persons of interest in this video. Anyone with information that could assist the investigation is asked to submit their tip via the FBI portal at fbi.gov/tampashooting. Those who wish to remain anonymous can contact Crime Stoppers of Tampa Bay at 800-873-TIPS (8477) or online and be eligible for a reward up to $5,000.
Shrooms, Chocolate, and $11K Seized: Tampa police on Tuesday arrested Martin Sequeira, 37, and Mary Vargas, 28, on wide-ranging drug, theft, public nuisance, and other felony charges. An investigation into outstanding felony warrants led police to 2208 E. 15th Ave. where the two resided where the found a large amount of suspected psilocybin mushrooms, including including 11 pounds in vegetative state or infused into chocolate candy bars; packaging and packaging paraphernalia; stickers advertising psilocybin sales that revealed an Instagram account offering the sales of the narcotic linked to the couple’s address. Sequeira was quickly detained by police after a brief struggle after answering the front door; Vargas was also detained. Police recovered a 9mm semi-automatic handgun that was within Sequeira’s immediate reach. In addition, $11,000.00 in U.S. currency was seized for forfeiture, along with the defendant's vehicle, which was used in multiple offenses. On Thursday, they were both being held at Orient Road Jail.
NEWS
Traffic Fatality: A male pedestrian appears to have been killed by a vehicle, and Tampa police are investigating. Authorities were summed to the intersection of N. 40th Street and E. Ellicott Street in the East Tampa/Ybor/The Heights neighborhood at 6:30 p.m. Thursday to respond to a crash involving a pedestrian.
Vision Zero: The Hillsborough Transportation Planning Organization hosts a Vision Zero event today 5:30-6:30 p.m. to honor the World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims. During this event, the community remembers those who have lost their lives to or been impacted by roadway crashes. The program includes a 0.6-mile walk from Emanuel P. Johnson Recreation Center to Progress Boulevard and back. The names of 2023 victims will be read aloud at the intersection of 78th Street and Progress Boulevard. This event also highlights well-known safety solutions, including redesigning hazardous roads, reducing speeds, enhancing vehicle design, and investing in safety rather than speed. Plan Hillsborough, the city of Tampa, Hillsborough County, FDOT, USF, and HART will participate. The public can show support by carrying a Vision Zero banner, holding a Vision Zero sign, or simply walking the route.
Florida Visitation Record: Visitation to Florida continues to rise, setting a record for the number of visitors to Florida in the third quarter of a year, with an estimated total of 35.1 million visitors between July and September 2023, according to a press release from the governor’s office. Visitation included 32.2 million domestic visitors, 2.2 million overseas visitors and 666,000 Canadian visitors. Additionally, Florida continues to beat overall annual visitation records with 105.2 million visitors so far in 2023, 724,000 more visitors than the first nine months of 2022.
E. Cumberland Avenue Construction: E. Cumberland Avenue, from S. Meridian Avenue to Channelside Drive, will be closed Sunday from 4 p.m.-6 a.m. for road construction.
E. Whiting Street Closed: E. Whiting Street between S. Meridian Avenue to N. 12th St. will be closed from 8 p.m.–2 a.m. Monday.
Other BOC News: The Hillsborough County Board of County Commissioners approved an interlocal agreement with the Pinellas County Board of County Commissioners to establish the Hillsborough/Pinellas Workforce Development Consortium to administer and operate regional workforce development programs. Additionally, commissioners approved a Community Development Block Grant funding agreement for $603,870 to preserve and improve the New Life Village residential campus at 4926 Venice Lake Ave., Tampa, a residential foster home community for 136 foster children within 39 households who have survived abuse, neglect, and trauma, and their caregivers.
LEISURE
Sanding Ovations: Head to Treasure Island Beach Sanding Ovations’ "It's About Time," a free event featuring sand sculptures, music, beach vendors, fireworks, and much more. The sand sculpting is the thing, attracting sculptors from around the world who create larger-than-life sand sculptures. The event started Thursday and runs through Sunday, with an encore weekend Nov. 25-26
Ybor Home Tour: Take a self-guided tour of nine unique Ybor City homes, the J.C. Newman Cigar Co., and the new Cigar Workers Park at the V.M. Ybor Neighborhood Association’s 11th Annual Home Tour. The neighborhood was named for Vicente Martinez Ybor, the Spanish founder of Ybor City's cigar industry, and just north of Ybor City. The tour is noon-4 p.m. Sunday and starts at Cigar Workers Park (1530 E. Columbus Drive), where guests will receive neighborhood maps and information on each of the featured properties. Tickets are $15 advance, $20 day of tour.
Got news? Send it here.
7 QUESTIONS FOR CATHERINE HODGE
Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Grief?
By Judith M. Gallman
Catherine Hodge is a licensed mental health counselor in South Tampa whose primary work is helping clients deal with grief and trauma. Her new book, What do I Say: How to Support Others in Grief, was published in September. It’s a slim pocket guide with lots of white space and whimsical illustrations by Jill Greenbaum, also a grief counselor. Hodge styled her undersized guidebook after the format of Thich Nhat Hanh’s inspirational how-to manuals on Buddhism. “I was hearing a lot of the same things in session from clients about their support system failing them in some way, and it just suddenly clicked. … I started almost making a mental note of the multiple things that I would hear, and then I was thinking, well, maybe I should write these down. I thought of it more as a guide or almost like a pamphlet. I mean, you can call it a book, but I wanted it to be a super easy read … Because if you're not the one grieving, you might not be willing to put in the time and effort to read a full-length book.” The book defines grief, lists associated myths, offers dos and don’ts, and includes a cheat sheet and resources. Find What Do I Say? on Amazon, and learn more about Hodge on her website, CatherineHodge.com. If you’re struggling with how to help someone cope with grief, or even your own grief, read on for Hodge’s insights.
Why is it so hard for us to talk about grief or process it?
I think it's always hard to be uncomfortable, and grief is very uncomfortable, and people are really scared of that pain and discomfort. There's a lot of myths around that the pain's going to last forever. Or, ‘If I go down that deep, dark hole, I'll never be able to get back out.’ And so there's a lot of avoidance of that pain. And I think the support system is similar. They want to avoid it and hope it just goes away, because we don't like the discomfort of it for the person grieving and the person trying to support the grieving.
How do you characterize or define grief?
I think it's just the loss of something meaningful. People assume that it has to be death-related, and that is a concrete loss for sure. But any ending of a relationship; it doesn't have to be from death. Even a period of life — we could be grieving a period of life. Empty nesting is another example of a grief process. No one's died, but their children have left home.
What are among the best things you can do for someone who's grieving?
Being available and seeing them; acknowledging it. I think that seems to be really difficult for people, because they think if they bring it up, they're going to make the person start crying or they're going to bring up the pain in that moment, and they're already in pain. You are not going to tell them or remind them of anything that they don't already know that they aren’t very intimately aware of. So acknowledging the loss and the pain and being available for listening. That's the biggest piece.
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What are the worst ways to try to help someone, or what about advice for somebody to get started?
Well, first of all, I think all of those things, even the don'ts, are coming from a place of trying to be helpful for sure. And so I just want to validate that I know it's coming with good intent, which is great. I think that's a good start, to recognize your intent and kind of direct your efforts in a more effective way is the goal. Probably the biggest thing that you don't want to do is take the attention off of their pain onto yours. And that can be what happens when you start comparing or talking about your own. And I think that comes from a place of, ‘Oh, I can identify with your pain; let me tell you about mine.’ But then you kind of take off the attention from them onto yourself. And giving advice, and again, I know that comes from a place of trying to help, but that's very confusing for the grieving person already struggling with decisions typically and maybe some internal judgment. They can also take that advice as judgment that they're doing the wrong thing. So I think all of the don'ts I recognize come from a good intention.
I liked your recommendation to be genuine, and if you are, then it seems like almost anything you do that's wrong could be forgiven.
That is true. I think that is the key to all of them, and I think that's one of the reasons why I put that one first. Even if you don't know what you're doing, and you're worried you're going to say the wrong thing, just kind of being open about it helps. And I think that gives more space to having a conversation about what they need. It may still be difficult for them to ask for what they need, but sometimes it's hard to verbalize, because they don't even know what they need.
Can the book help people who are grieving know what might be appropriate to ask for from a supportive party?
Yeah, I've gotten some of that feedback on that. I think in our culture, it's not okay to ask for help. We're supposed to be very independent. We can do things on our own. And so I think that's partially a cultural phenomenon as well. Honestly, kind of thinking about it again, I almost put the dos and dont’s in order in the book. And so the first one for the don't is don't avoid. That is the biggest thing, because then they just feel isolated. It's better to be the person maybe saying the ‘wrong’ thing, but at least the grieving parties don't feel isolated and that people are ignoring their pain or feel like people don't care. A common assumption that I hear from people is, ‘I don't hear from X, Y, Z friend anymore. I guess they don't care about me.’ That's a big loss. That just adds to the grief, because now not only are they suffering from the initial grief, but they're also suffering from even more grief from the loss of a friend.
What else should readers know about your book, or about how you hope it helps people? Because it's such a scary topic, having a book with concrete coping suggestions seems so helpful.
I think you asked everything that I would've thought of, but, yeah, just validating that it is scary for people. I think that's why I wanted to demystify it a bit.
This interview was edited for length and clarity.
YOU NEED A PET
Meet Choko, a 3-year-old American Staffordshire terrier who was surrendered by his family due to poor living conditions. Choko lived with another dog named Creature who also was surrendered. He is house-broken and loves meeting new people, from adults to children. Choko at first may seem a bit timid, but he is a sweet boy who welcomes attention and loves to run and play ball. You can find him and lots of other deserving pups at the Hillsborough County Pet Resource Center Foundation Inc., 440 N. Falkenburg Road, Tampa, 813-586-1988, HCPRFoundation.org.
WHAT THEY SAID
BITES
Al’s Finger Licking Good Soul Food: In observation of Black Restaurant Week Nov. 10-19 and to support Ybor City after the Oct. 29 shooting tragedy, we set out for some soul food. And what we found at Al’s was great. While Al’s Finger Licking Good BBQ is a longtime standout among barbecue aficionados, Al’s neighboring soul food joint ought to have the same following where home-style dishes are concerned.
The menu suggests this food might remind you of your grandmother’s cooking, and it does: spicy collards dotted with pork bits, creamy-thick mac ’n’ cheese, okra fried to perfection, a stack of giant onion rings, and steaming crisp-fried chicken with a moist interior. You can get meatloaf, sandwiches, smothered pork chops or chicken, even pigs feet and ox tails. The cornbread muffins were the perfect meal topper, while the chopped salad and black-eyed peas were middling.
The interior might remind you of your grandmother’s too: there’s a low-slung couch, neat matching tables and chairs, pretty table flowers, and chandeliers. Stylized over-sized portraits of musical greats from B.B. King, Ray Charles, and James Brown, to Prince, Mary J. Blige, and Rod Stewart (???) add a classic musical edge to the place. Open 11:30 a.m.-7 p.m. Fri.-Sat. And 12-5 p.m. Sun., 2302 E. Seventh Ave., Ybor City, Tampa, 813-515-5036 (813-SOUL FOOD).
New Restaurant Openings
There is no shortage of new restaurants coming to the Tampa Bay Area. Here’s a list of places. Some are now open; others are coming. Call ahead before visiting.
Bang-Bang! Bowls, 19651 Bruce B Downs Blvd., Suite C-2, Wesley Chapel: New York-inspired Indian rice bowls
Boba Tea Company, 2223 N. Westshore Blvd., Tampa: bubble tea, smoothies, milkshakes, and more come to International Plaza and Bay Street. What Now Tampa
Da' Shrine, 5137 N Florida Ave., Seminole Heights, Tampa: Caribbean and African food, including whole red snapper with jollof rice and stewed oxtails to pounded yam and chicken stew. Creative Loafing
Gorditos, 615 Channelside Drive, Sparkman Wharf, Tampa: many flavorful varieties of meaty and veggie empanadas and unique shaved iced concoctions, all handheld delights.
Sorbo, 2653 Bruce B. Downs Blvd., Wesley Chapel: matcha teas, espresso beverages, and refreshers plus baked goods and wine
Tori Bar, 442 W Kennedy Blvd., Tampa: a Japanese-inspired pub strong on Japanese whisky, craft cocktails, highballs, grilled yakitori skewers, handrolls, sashimi, and assorted tapas; from the folks behind Izakaya Tori. Carlos Eats
OTHER NEWS
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BAY AREA
Deadly shooting in Hillsborough County briefly put 2 nearby schools on 'lock-in' status. 10 Tampa Bay
The number of judges could shrink from 15 to 12 in the Tampa-based 2nd District Court of Appeal. WMNF
Man pleads guilty in 1984 Hillsborough murder, gets 50 years in prison. Tampa Bay Times $
Eight Florida cities get perfect scores in LGBTQ+ equality report. Florida Phoenix
St. Pete selects architect for Rays' $1.3 billion ballpark. Tampa Bay Business Journal $
Volunteers needed this holiday season, United Way Suncoast helps to connect volunteers with organizations. ABC Action News
Hillsborough 16-year-old arrested for making school threats on Instagram. ABC Action News
A huge 32-foot tall floating Christmas tree returns to Tampa. That’s So Tampa
FLORIDA
Lawmakers hear report that says path of Florida’s prison system is ‘unsustainable’. Florida Phoenix
Advocates say now is the time to implement air-conditioning in Florida prisons. Florida Phoenix
Lawmakers refile bill to test body cameras at women’s prison ‘notorious’ for abuse. Florida Politics
Florida lawmakers file proposals on mental health drugs. WUSF
Medicaid enrollment in Florida continues to drop. WUSF
Florida has third-highest pedestrian traffic fatality rate in US, study shows. WMNF
Thousands without power after flooding rains lash South Florida. Axios
Here’s why heavy rain in Florida has little to do with hurricane season. Florida Politics
In new brief, Moody claims abortion amendment would let providers self-regulate. Florida Phoenix
Cleanup, insurance woes continue months after Hurricane Idalia hits Florida. 10 Tampa Bay
DeSantis signs trade agreement with Great Britain. The Center Square
Florida senators want statewide standard for opioid settlement spending. Florida Phoenix
Pro-Palestinian student group in Florida sues DeSantis. Politico
Jimmy Patronis to NCAA: Fire Charlie Baker. Florida Politics
Sarasota County native crowned Miss USA to compete for Miss Universe on Saturday. 10 Tampa Bay
POLITICS
Poll: Ron DeSantis drops to fifth place in New Hampshire. Florida Politics
Ron DeSantis redoubles effort to goad Nikki Haley into confrontation. Florida Politics
New FAU survey shows majority of Floridians disapprove of Matt Gaetz’s performance in Congress. Florida Phoenix
LIESURE
Can you travel with cannabis? Here's why you need to check the laws before the holidays. Fox 13 Tampa Bay
How Tristan Wirfs overcame self-doubt to become the left tackle the Buccaneers needed. The Athletic $
Dave Andreychuk, Brad Richards selected for Lightning Hall of Fame. Tampa Bay Times $
Tampa Bay's best live music happening Nov. 16-23. Creative Loafing
Tarpon Springs Seafood Festival celebrates 35th anniversary this weekend. Creative Loafing
USF football player goes from former walk-on to record holder. Fox 13 Tampa Bay
Expert Predictions: Florida football faces tough test at Missouri Tigers. Gators Wire
Hedman taps in late goal, Lightning edges Blackhawks 3-2 to end 3-game slide. ABC Action News
Why Mayfield and Bosa won’t be planting the flag when the Buccaneers face 49ers. The Athletic $
COMMENTARY
When it comes to disdain for democracy, Trump has company. The New York Times $
Florida lawmakers put us at risk of being killed by hurricanes. Florida Phoenix
ABOUT US
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